Well, this weekend was my 10 year high school reunion. I couldn't go, as I'm in Korea and it would be a little expensive to go for a weekend. Instead, I did some thinking about high school. I don't have very many happy memories of high school. I never understood the people who thought that high school was wonderful. It sure wasn't wonderful for me. In Warman I was the quiet bookworm that nobody talked to. It wouldn't have mattered if they had talked to me, as I was too shy to talk back. I was determined that when I went to Western it would be different and I would do everything. I tried out for dinner theatre. Didn't make it. I tried out for Sonshine. Didn't make it. I tried out for traveling chorus. Didn't make it. I tried out for musical. Didn't make it. Do you see a trend here? I did play soccer, but I was not an integral part of the team and I knew it. How could I not have? The coach and other players never let me forget. The first few months at Western only served to push me further into my shell. That was not what I had planned. Why is it that our plans don't work so well? Grade 12 was a little better. I was student council president, I was an integral part of the soccer team and I made traveling chorus. I didn't make Sonshine, and yes, it still bugs me. That was something I had really wanted to do. I still didn't really talk to people and they didn't really talk to me. I remember at the end of the year when Mrs. Muller had us all write notes to each other and then she typed them up and gave them to us. The only thing that my class mates said to me was that I was smart. It made me sad that after two years with most of these people the only thing they could say about me was that I was smart. They didn't bother to try to learn any more than that, and I didn't have the courage to let them see any more than that.
I'm glad high school is over. I am also glad that I am not the person I was then anymore. I have changed a lot since then. I talk to people, and I hope that most days I let them see that I am more than a smart person. In some ways I wish I could do high school again as the me I am now. Maybe it would have been a lot more fun. Maybe I would have had more friends. Maybe I would have more good memories. The thing about the past is that it is in the past. We can learn from it, but we don't get to do it over. We just have to live with it. I was who I was then, and I am who I am now. I like who I am now. I will make happy memories now and give up the sad memories from then. I am a different person now, and all that happened to someone else.
I'm not sure if I am disappointed that I had to miss my 10 year reunion. It would have been nice to be home and to see everyone, but I don't know how much I need to relive high school. Once was enough for me. I am disappointed about missing the alumni chorus. I really like that. Oh well. Next time.
5 comments:
I missed you this weekend. I wasn't even in Regina, but I remembered it was your year and if you would have flown in for it I would have gone to Regina to see you. I am also grateful to never have to relive high school. I thought I was having fun at the time, but everything since then has been better and I hope I've changed a lot since then too.
You are very smart. That's not a bad thing, but something I have been jealous of. You are also crafty (like Roy and like Nancy), sarcastic, funny, beautiful, selfless, and so loving that Xavier and Niles still say "I wish Robin was here to watch us" sometimes when I'm babysitting :) I saw all those things in high school too, just not quite as clearly as I see now. Sorry other people missed some of that.
We all miss you! Come home soon!
Sounds alot.... *alot* like my high school experience.
I can identify with a lot of that too. I was in Sonshine, but sometimes wished I wasn't as it wasn't anything like I thought it would be. Although I got to know Diane, which changed many lives forever by interconnecting our families...but that's another story:)
But I know what you mean. I'm glad high school is over too, and feel like life keeps getting better and better. And I know that a lot of who I am now that I do like is because of rough times in school that I didn't like.
And now you aren't afraid to show people how much fun you are, and you're having amazing adventures and meeting tall, dark, handsome strangers from foreign lands, and everyone in your class missed out not getting to know you.
And you can do alumni chorus when you're not an honoured class and it's just as much fun!
Yep, high school. I can so relate to the being shy thing and not letting people see the real me. Sometimes I wish I could go back, have more fun than I did. But, I am glad that I am doing that now. The now is what matters!! Miss you but glad that you are there seeing and doing things that you would never get to do otherwise.
Ahhh, grade 11 soccer, in Swan, regionals...But in Grade 12 we went to provincials. Yay us. I'm sure it must be because we actually played on the field that year, and didn't just watch. And we had real soccer socks that year too. I like soccer socks.
You know what always concerned me? Was when I would do something and you wouldn't. I didn't want you to feel left out. I wasn't good at making sure you were invited, but I didn't want you to be left out. I still think that sometimes. You know, if I do this, what would Robin think? And if Robin did whatever, and I didn't get to, how would I feel? Oh, being twins.
And you know what now? You are doing stuff that no one else in our class is doing. You are doing exactly what you want and meeting lots of new people and you own 32 pairs of shoes (unless you have added some since the last count). How many other people can say that?
I went to the reunion. It was interesting. The scalloped potatoes were darn good. And maple glazed ham. Yummy. Oh yah, there was other stuff too. Mmmm, ham.
Joyce
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